Real Men Don’t Sing (Or Do They)?

Can we worship God without breaking into song? by Geoff Ryan

Within my own denomination I have assiduously avoided weighing into the “worship wars,” generally considering “the debate” little more than a tertiary issue that bores God, delights the Devil and confuses all non-believers. But there comes a time when a man has to stand up and be counted. So for me, when it comes to singing in church, it’s not a question of which style, whose taste or which theology, but simply why do we have to sing at all?

I need to preface this with saying that in truth, I actually have a bit of a problem with church attendance, too. Here is an excerpt from an essay I once wrote:

Personally, I do not like going to church much. I never have. I have gone through periods of relative enjoyment, but in the main, church has felt more of a chore than a pleasure – a drag as a kid and a duty as an adult. If I try to think objectively about the dominant feelings that have accompanied the word “church” it is sense of being trapped. Maybe it is the sitting down for long periods of time. Sometimes I just don’t feel in the mood to be there. Sometimes I don’t want to sing. Often I can’t pray. When speaking at other churches, I can become agonizingly self-conscious, like an urchin in an upscale restaurant not sure of which fork to use. I want to run away most weeks. It is nothing to do with God, really. The issue is more with the hoops I am expected to jump through in order to connect with him.

One of those “hoops” is definitely singing songs. Unlike Roman Catholics or Orthodox believers, Protestants have a long and storied history of congregational singing. It is one of those traditions that is rarely questioned. You can’t worship God, it seems, unless at some point you break into song.

You can’t worship God, it seems, unless at some point you break into song

I quite like most traditional hymns. I enjoy poetry and have a rudimentary appreciation for literature. I enjoy a hymn’s sense of history and continuity with the traditions of the faith. The problem though, is that no one I know speaks like this: “thees” and “thous” and “yeas.” I myself don’t communicate in this way. When one sings, as when one prays, one speaks in the language of the heart. The idea is intimacy and engagement, a coming into God’s presence in order to commune with him. This is difficult to do through the filter of language of fifty, one hundred or even two hundred years ago. I can appreciate these hymns aesthetically, but not as a means of talking to God.

On the other hand, the praise and worship choruses that these days are ubiquitous at any large gathering of Christians and most churches, while closer in kind to the music I grew up with, don’t do it for me either. These songs have mostly come into the mainstream of church worship through the charismatic renewal. The charge often levelled against them is that while high on sentiment, they are light on theology. Candy, as it were, not meat. Often they are very “me-focused,” rife with personal pronouns, a ton of “me-and-God-and-God-and-me” interaction going on, highly individualistic and rarely mission-focused.

My main issue, however, is their overwhelming femininity. This may sound chauvinistic, but as I stand trying my best to sing what the LCD projector has thrown up on the screen, more often than not the lyrics bear an unnerving resemblance to those of a 16-year-old girl mooning over her boyfriend. The sentiments of being “desperate for you,” “longing for you” and wanting to be “found in your embrace” are more telephone talk than theology, I reckon.

The sentiments of being “desperate for you,” “longing for you” and wanting to be “found in your embrace” are more telephone talk than theology

Granted, all of these are legitimate feelings to direct God-ward. It’s just that as a guy, I would probably phrase things a little bit differently. It could be that I’m just a product of my generation and of the expectation that guys are to be somewhat more taciturn. Possibly, as has been suggested to me, I simply need to get more in touch with my feminine side. I’m not ready to consign these choruses to the “conspiracy-theory” bin as one more evidence of the increasing feminization of society, but frankly I often feel quite silly and mildly embarrassed as I sing them. So for the most part, I don’t.

My personal masculinity issues aside, the question remains as to why we sing at all? Have you ever noticed that regardless of what church you may attend, of whatever the denominational stripe, the percentage ratio of female to male is going to be at least 60/40? In truth, in most places the ratios are higher. This applies around the world. Is it simply because men don’t like to sing these songs and women do? Well, I’m sure the reasons are complex and varied, but I reckon that’s at least one of them. It is for me.

Writer: Geoff Ryan, along with his wife, Sandra, leads a Salvation Army church in downtown Toronto. He is co-founder and co-editor of theRubicon and coordinator of the 614 network. He has written a couple of books and is interested in politics.

15 Comments to Real Men Don’t Sing (Or Do They)?

1. Geoff, I agree with much of what you wrote. I, too, have no interest in Jesus being my boyfriend or singing whilst thou dost standeth.

   Problem is… music connects with a ton of people. And not just connects but actually fuels mission. I’ve seen it. So have you.

   So, what are we to do? Are there options?

   Well, one thing we have done is to write our own songs for worship… some of which are “manly”, some of which are not. Either way, they are songs which speak to our community because they are our songs.

   We also sing songs from the radio. Songs that, when heard later, may spark worship.

   We also have “no song” worship gatherings so that you (and the two old grumpy farts fom the balcony of the Muppet Show) can resonate more with the gathering. It also teaches us not to rely on songs to fill time or whatever. But it’s hard work planning gatherings like that.

   Anyway, I’ll just shut up now.
Pernell on April 7th, 2006

2. Pernell,

   Thanks for this feedback and for taking the time to write. Yep - no denying the power of music to move people, soothe the savage breast, etc. As a teenager, the only magazine I had a regular subscription to was “Rolling Stone” so as you see, I’m not immune to its charms or power. As for options - not sure (and I say this fully aware that one should not “preach” without offering an answer, the “good news”. I agree - we need a new hymnology in TSA and possibly in the church as well - new songwriters and new songs. A problem in today’s church is that serious theological thought (in the pews, so to speak) has been largely downloaded to the writers of worship songs - by this I mean that this is where most people get their “meat” from. Sometimes there is good stuff being sung, sometimes it is lousy, sometimes its just the very personal experience of the songwriter - but because of the platform and presence given to music these days, it becomes the shared experience of everyone. Forget the speakers and preachers in todays “emerging” (whatever the heck that means) church it is ALL about the musicians. I think I”ll shut up now too.
Geoff on April 7th, 2006

3. It was, in part, traditional SA music that drove me from TSA. What really drove me was the total lack of mission and the bulldog tenacity with which both pastor and congregation clung to the past. Where I live now, in the wilds of Newfoundland, that same blindness to the present grips not only TSA but virtually all other bodies of worshipers. I am fortunate now to belong to a group of believers that is attempting to bring relavance and mission to their worship by making what they sing actual worship to God. While I can’t sing with any degree of charm or grace, I’m sure God understands it is one way of corporate prayer that I am comfortable with. And I hope to impart that feeling to my brothers and sisters when we gather so that as others step over that line of faith they become comfortable in their new family with their new faith. I will never shut up.
Joel Matthews on April 7th, 2006

4. Were I to undertake an anthropological study of Salvation Army worship practices (from the two corps I’ve worshipped with) food would seem to play a central role in engaging community, perhaps rivalling music. Even a modest menu requires a huge volunteer commitment for preparation, serving and cleanup. Meals do wonders for stimulating fellowship, discussion. And this ministry seems to incite a fair proportion of male enthusiasm. Geoff, food, not music, is the meat.

   Like music the food experience has diversified over the years. I’m not that old and pizza was not the staple growing up it is today. It’s impossible to please everyone with a single type of meal. There once was a standard type of male known as a meat and potatoes guy, but they are a dwindling species. More and more are eating their veggies, voluntarily, even when their mother or girlfriend isn’t looking.

   The point is, it’s hard to generalize about music tastes, except that they are the shared culture, shared in fragments.

   Come to think of it, I don’t like mushy girl music either, but like the food line, as an ordinary congregant I’ll take what’s on offer on PowerPoint. It wouldn’t hurt at every service if one or two old standards were sung, for continuity’s sake.
Andrea on April 7th, 2006

5. Geoff - you need to give Nick Pages book a miss - Page, N. (2004)And Now Let’s Move Into a Time of Nonsense. You’ll never want to sing again.

   - actually it is a really funny look at what we have done to worship by making it a sub-culture of it.

   Worth a read
gordon on April 8th, 2006

6. Geoff - Ive been challenged personally but your article especially as and when making preparations for worship. I ask myself, ‘would I worship in this / that way?’ or ‘how does my worship glorify God?’

   Although my wife and are corps officers, we still as well as prpearing to preach, lead worship and are also attempting other ways of how, why, what really does bring God glory in worship? and so, we are always analysing this - but also falling into traps that you have stated - I know where you are coming from - I was there as a young person too - but now, responsible of taking the lead.

   Thanks for your challenging post and other articles as I read on in ‘the rubicon’.

   God Bless you and your wife in your ministry.
Matthew Bennett on April 11th, 2006

7. I agree. I would prefer to leave the singing to the Michael Buble’s of this world rather than try doing it myself. Give me a church where I can sit around a roaring fire drinking fine wine, smoking cigars and discussing theology, C.S. Lewis style. That’s where I feel most comfortable.
John Norton on April 12th, 2006

8. John,

   Do you have a men’s fellowship like that near where you live? Can I get driving directions?

   While I actually do a little bit of singing in church myself, one of my favorite times of sung worship (a term I really like, to point out that worship is not all singing and vice-versa) was at a U2 concert.
Phil on April 14th, 2006

9. I agree that worship music is where most people get their theology today, which is kind of frightening. I’ve had people backing up arguments by referring to lines in worship choruses, believing them to be Scripture.

   A new hymnology is needed, for sure, as well as a freedom to know that worship is not confined to singing, nor to “Church” gatherings. I was leading a Church servive once with a group of almost entirely unchurched people, and realised that at no other time in their lives would they regularly gather together with other people and sing songs. They wanted to talk with each other. So we built that into the service.

   The same is particularly true with teens. Church-raised teens will gather and sing, and other teens will if the music is hip hop with street cred. (Contemporary worship music? C’mon! It is barely New Country cool, the worst kind of music to relate to a hip hop generation.)

   Communal singing clearly has its place, primarily in the communal affirmation of belief, and it helps form a community around certain truths. But that is why we have to be very intentional with what we sing together, so that we’re not, for example, instilling a communal prosperity teaching (rampant in worship music) that will be pounded into the group’s subconscious through tuneful repetition.

   Best if the music comes out of your community, I would think, or stays with Scriptural or creedal truths.

   Grace,

   Aaron
Aaron on April 14th, 2006

10. Geoff, I can just see you standing there, looking really awkward trying to sing some of those new worship songs and looking really bored (trying to hide it though) singing those old hymns. Some are too feminine, some are oldfashioned - in a word, culturally irrelevant to you. So what if you sound chauvinist, not wanting to sing songs that make no sense to you? Why should you sing? At least you are honest, and correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t honesty a good place to start worship?

    Your thought on the femininity of those worship songs took me back a couple of years - when the SA was filled full of masculine songs: filled with imagery of aggressive warfare with the occasional referense to love and at times even to God. I think that this is where your argument for the lack of men in church falls flat: even when those masculine songs were around - and back in those days when you used to sing them with gusto - the ratio of men to women was not encouraging.

    Anyway, I’m sure you can imagine how irrelevant those songs will sound to a male who has not been brought up in a Christian church? A male who hasn’t grown up singing anything, who feels unbelievably self concious just standing - not singing - in a crowd singing those songs? It is a real miracle if they will revisit that experience.

    Anyway, I am probably a heretic in that I don’t worry about the lack of theological depth in those new worship songs. As you know, they don’t function as teaching material - they often function on a more emotional level, less on a rational level. And they may be used as starting points, some kind of bridges from the known into the more surprising truths of God. Those truths of course need to be shared with people in pictures, other forms of art, fellowship or preaching & teaching. But my point is that one doesn’t judge the fur tree for not producing apples, nor does one need to judge worship songs for not performing all these other functions.

    What the world needs is people who can make a difference in the world - not just produce intellectual stimulation and be admired in the church. Yesterday I was listening to a U2 CD (All that you can’t leave behind), and I was so blessed by their song called Grace.

    “Grace, she takes the blame / She covers the shame / Removes the stain / It could be her name. // Grace, it’s the name for a girl / It’s also a thought that changed the world / And when she walks on the street / You can hear the strings / Grace finds goodness in everything.//”

    I thought of you and thought you might like the song, the imagery, and might find some creative ways to use it in worship. If not in public, perhaps in private?
Minna on April 25th, 2006

11. [...] had a good laugh reading Geoff Ryan’s  “Real Men Don’t Sing (Or Do They)?” (http://therubicon.org/?p=16) I don’t usually like “church” much more than Geoff does, but I don’t know if I could bear it at all if it weren’t for the music. I guess I’m not a very smart person – I’m not really offended by the theology of most of the songs.  And I love music.  So I’d really find it hard to say that I like one style more than another (commercial vs. traditional for example).  What bugs me is the poor quality of the music sometimes. And I love music.  So I’d really find it hard to say that I like one style more than another (commercial vs. traditional for example). [...]
theRubicon » Blog Archive » Real men do (sing in church, that is) on June 7th, 2006

12. Just off the top of my head, I can only think of one famous female composer of these feminine songs - Darlene Zscech (sorry, don’t know how to spell it). Everyone else that comes to mind is male. I find that amusing, respective to this article.

    I LOVE singing in church. A large part of my joy comes from watching others around me sing. I am moved by seeing my fellow worshipers (not to imply that only singing equals worship) extolling Christ or singing biblical truths, etc. It strips me of my self-centeredness and reminds me that the church is one body, one bride, and that in shared experience we present ourselves to Christ, unified. I often think of Revelation 4 when we are singing together in church. Yeah, I know I’m probably the only person who thinks this way - but I hope not.

    I am frequently frustrated with the lyrics, but it seems to me that in recent years they have improved. I see more of God and less of “me” in the words, and sometimes I even see solid theology and creedal type content.

    I regret the expression “praise and worship”, which is the title for the segment of the service where we sing “worship” choruses. As if only music is worship. As if we all worship on cue.
Amy Reardon on October 16th, 2007

13. Amy,

    You’ve just kind of proved my points. You LOVE singing…and you’re a woman. You admit to being frustrated with the fact that singing and worship are interchangeable words and therefore, concepts - for the mass of people who attend church on Sundays.So…
    For the record, I usually sing at least one song every Sunday!

    Geoff
Geoff Ryan on October 16th, 2007

14. Geoff,

    Yeah, I wasn’t really trying to counter what you’d said - just expressing my random thoughts on the subject.

    By the way, my son sang a solo with the Songsters on Sunday and it was beautiful.
    Amy
Amy Reardon on October 17th, 2007

15. Just wanted to jump on what Amy said but refer to any traditional hymnal from any of the main line churches, the composers as well as the authors of the words are 90% male, Martin Luther, Charles Wesley… great reformers of the church. What about hymns like “Onward Christian Soldier”, sounds masculine to me. This relutance to sing in today’s male seems to me to be a modern cultural thing. I grew up in a singing family where all my uncles and aunts sang usually in 3 part harmony. My uncles were basic blue collar hard working types that sang with gusto! What about “Pa” in the Laura Ingalls Wilder stories. Here is a tough pioneer who sang and played fiddle on cold winter evenings to entertain his family. Have you heard of “The Sons of the Pioneers”? Go inside any old church to the choir room and look on the walls. There you will find pictures of the choirs of previous decades. You will see there that in the 30’s, 40’s 50’s 60’s and even the 70’s the choir are 30 members strong and fairly even in the male to female ratio. Then suddenly the 80’s the men are gone. Why?
    I am still puzzled.
    JM
JoAnne McNamara on November 6th, 2007

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