Vox populi | ECD

Alice: “words mean what I want them to mean”

E

uphemism: A word or phrase employed to sterilize an emotive word or phrase thus making it fit for general consumption.

Luke barks his head off every time I open my composter or mow the lawn or walk near the fence.  Basically, he barks every time he hears a sound in our backyard.  Luke is a German Shepherd cross, as playful as he is loud, but his bark is driving his owner, my neighbour, crazy.  It is hysterical listening to my neighbour yelling at Luke to stop.  I’m not sure who is the one being trained.  The best is the threats, more idle than if they were delivered to children because Luke doesn’t speak English.  “I’m going to put a zapper on you if you keep barking like this!”.  By zapper he means the “Barkmaster Pro-elite”, a dog collar that emits a shock which increases in intensity every time Luke barks.  The collar is an Electronic Control Device.

I was ironing my shirt the other morning.  Don’t laugh.  I was taking the Proctor Silex 300 EBS (extra blast of steam) with digital control and stainless steel heating plate for a test run.  I iron the clothes in the family.  It came about one day when my wife said, “you are very attractive when you iron.”  Done deal.  Most people call the Proctor Silex 300 EBS an iron when in fact it is an Electronic Control Device, an appliance with the intention of eliciting behaviour based on external stimuli.  This Electronic Control Device works especially well if you drop starch into the rinse cycle of the other ECD in the basement.

Constable Chaput, the spokesperson for the Winnipeg Police Force (a central Canadian city), addressed the media the other day.  A 17-year-old man was seen breaking into a car with a knife in his hand.  When confronted by police he wielded the knife in a manner which made him threatening to himself, and a threat to the police officers who attempted to apprehend him.  Officers deployed an Electronic Control Device to subdue the suspect who was later taken to a local hospital where he died.  It is not known at this point in the investigation whether the ECD played any role in the young man’s death.  The 17-year-old Metis * boy was Canada’s 24th Taser related death.

Electronic Control Device:  Sterile and non-emotive.

Vox populi appears every Friday on theRubicon. Find past Vox populi posts and a bio of Capt. Rick Zelinsky here.

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