The Concise Oxford | lies and the tooth fairy

The Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa and Jesus

The title of this post sounds like the opening line to a really bad joke. “Have you heard the one about the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, Jesus and Santa Claus at the bar late one night?” (Usually when I hear a setup like this, I want to run away. It’s not because I don’t like a good joke now and then, but it inevitably leads to what feels like an eternity of more jokes either from the same person or from other folks trying to compete with their funnier joke. I just hate those times. And it’s usually me that’s the spoilsport by agitatedly pronouncing that I’m sick of the jokes already.)

But I digress; back to the topic at hand.

I have a six-year-old daughter, Cate. She’s beautiful. She brings me joy unspeakable and she pretty much owns me. She’s going to be an artist like her mother and a musician, which I’d like to think I had something to do with. She’s always dancing and singing and creating something. Her mind is that of a six-year-old: imaginative and open to ideas.

Cate believes in Jesus without question. She knows the stories, she knows what Easter and Christmas are about, and she knows she is a Christian.

However she also, without any doubt, believes in the Easter Bunny, Santa and the Tooth Fairy. She at least has distinguished each of them by now as to their appearances and roles, but I remember a few years back at Christmastime she would see an image of Jesus and point at it with bright, expectant eyes and say “Santa!”

This is all coming back to me recently because Cate is now losing her baby teeth. It is a fun time around the house, as she totally and completely believes that if she puts that tooth under her pillow that at some point during the night, a fairy will absolutely show up and take the tooth and leave money behind.

My wife tells me that she thought that that belief might have ended one night as she was putting Cate to bed. Cate very seriously looked into her mother’s eyes and said “Mommy, you have to be completely honest with me when you answer this question. Is the tooth fairy actually real?” My wife Erinn, startled by the unexpected question, answered honestly by saying that there really wasn’t a tooth fairy. She was somewhat relieved that this was the end of an era. But then Cate looked at her very intensely and said, “I thought I asked you to be completely honest with me. Why are you lying?” She simply could not hear that the tooth fairy wasn’t real and still believes to this day.

Now we’re heading into Lent and Easter is coming. At our house we’re expecting to remember the death, resurrection and ascension of Christ and the Easter Bunny.

So I guess I’m struggling a bit with all of this. I know some Christians adamantly denounce any promotion in the belief of these traditional characters amongst their kids whatsoever. They tell their kids as early as possible that these creatures are all lies and do not exist. I sort of respect that stand. Except I usually don’t like their judgmental attitude towards parents who might choose to do otherwise.

There are other Christian parents who have no concerns about this whatsoever. Any thoughts of whether or not this is the right thing just quite simply never occur to them. They see it as part of the child’s life and that’s that.

Then there are some Christian parents, like us I guess, who struggle with this. Should we have put a stop to these beliefs before they even started? Is that harmful or helpful to a child’s development and life? Should we be concerned about this at all? Will she, once she discovers that the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and Santa are fictional characters, make the same decision about Jesus like so many other people have done? Will she question our integrity once she finally realizes that we have let her believe a lie for her whole life? Are we ensuring that her faith in Jesus is grounded in reality? Can that even be done when you’re six-years-old?

Maybe I’m stressing over nothing. I know I believed in all of those things as a kid. Now I still believe in Jesus with my whole being but have let go of the other things. While I know that I’ve been damaged as a child in a lot of ways, I don’t think any of my damage came from this. So maybe there’s nothing to worry about.

What do you guys think about all of this?

Writer: The Concise Oxford is written by Dion Oxford who, along with his wife, Erinn, and daughter, Cate, live in Toronto, Canada and are committed to journeying alongside people in the margins of society. He and Erinn have spent a combined 30 years working amongst folks who are living on the streets of Toronto. Dion is a recovering Salvationist who currently worships at an evangelical Anglican church but still works for The Salvation Army at the Gateway, a shelter for men experiencing homelessness. He and his wife see the solution to homelessness as the church taking seriously the two great commandments of loving God and loving our neighbour. He likes to read, write, fly kites, cycle long distances, watch TV, play in his band and hang out with his friends.

9 Comments to The Concise Oxford | lies and the tooth fairy

1. Once one is old enough to critically examine the claims about Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, we realise it is impossible for them to exist in the manner we have been taught, and so we cease to believe in them. I would suggest that believing in the Judeo-Christian God and Jesus (as traditionally understood and believed) is just as implausible as believing in the other three. Why do adults drop the others yet hang onto Jesus?
Jack on March 6th, 2009

2. Hi Dion,

   Our approach to the tooth fairy, santa and the easter bunny was as follows.

   We recognised that part of our responsibility to our children was to help them grow to maturity. However, we also recognised that they not only lived in our family ‘world’, but increasingly, as time went on, in the ‘worlds’ of their friends, schools, the TV etc.

   We therefore didn’t strongly encourage belief in the tooth fairy, santa and the easter bunny, but neither did we denounce them as lies. As the children grew, we just looked to sensitively help them recognise the tooth fairy etc. for what they were. As each child has a different personality, the pathway we followed for each may have varied according to their individual need. I’m sure we didn’t do it perfectly, and there may well be other approaches to this issue.

   It sounds like your wife dealt well with your daughter’s question about the tooth fairy, and I would suggest that it’s just a matter of looking to sensitively build on that in the future.

   With regards to Jesus, we have tried to show by our lives and words that our belief and trust in Him was absolute. However, we recognised that we could not just impose this on our children, but again looked to help them come to their own place of trust and belief, helping them face and deal with any difficulties they encountered as they arose.

   I’m sure you and your wife are doing a good job in raising your daughter, and I’m sure with the Lord’s grace you’ll continue to do so.

   Regards.

   Bernard
Bernard Martin on March 6th, 2009

3. Hey Dion,

   We’ve never called the stories lies, we’ve always called them stories, and in particular, good stories. So we encourage our kids to immerse themselves in the story, to have fun with it, to make believe, but we’ve always also made clear a substantive difference between these stories and the stories of Jesus of Nazareth, based in history.

   We’ve also tried to make clear that stories can tell “truth” even if they’re not literally true - this helps the kids see what might be good and true about the story of Santa (or whomever) without having to believe in them literally. It also, I hope, will help us to later on in life explain different types of Biblical stories, ones that do not necessarily convey truth through their literalness, but in other ways (parables, creation accounts, symbolic imagery, etc…)

   It seems to have worked well enough so far, but who knows right? There’s no manual for these kids!

   Grace,

   Aaron
aaron on March 6th, 2009

4. Hey Jack and Bernard,
   Thanks for taking the time to respond to this post.

   Bernard,
   I appreciate your kind and thoughtful response to this dilemma of child raising. Great thoughts.

   Jack,
   I’m also grateful for your honest challenge here. While I am willing to debate all kinds of theological and practical stuff on this site regarding banding, uniforms, communion, baptism, evangelism…I find myself unable to enter into a cyberspace dialog regarding the truth of Christ. Those other topics aren’t that sacred to me and if I were being honest I only enter those discussions half the time to get a rise out of some of the predictable places. (My confession of the day)

   However, the truth of Christ in my life is sacred ground where I do all I can to tread carefully and sensitively in any discussion around that. If I were to enter into that conversation with you, it would only be while we sat accross a table from each other and addressed each other as men. I guess I’d also be open to chatting over the phone if a face to face was impossible. That way I could better hear you, and you could better hear me. So if you’re up for that, I would welcome the opportunity to hang out. The editors of this site know exactly how to get in touch with me if you’re anywhere near Toronto. So please consider this an open ended invitation (not a challenge)

   I should go.
   Shalom,
   Dion
Dion Oxford on March 6th, 2009

5. Thanks for the reply Dion. Unfortunately it’s a long way to Toronto from Australia, so the face to face is a bit difficult and a long telephone discussion would be expensive. I’m a long term Christian, long term Salvationist, continue to attend my Corps, yet in the last couple of years have come to the belief that most (if not all) of what I had believed is just not true. So I’m at some stage of deconversion from Christianity, but still trying to find at least some part of it that I can hang onto and not completely walk away. Perhaps someone else can give me their opinion?
Jack on March 6th, 2009

6. Hey Aaron,
   I must have written my last response at the same time you were writing yours. I hadn’t seen your comment at the time. I really like your thoughts on this. They make so much sense.

   I also want you to know that I am tracking with you on your LT pieces. I’m with you.

   Jack,
   Yup. Australia is pretty far, although it’s a place that ever since I was a kid I always dreamed of visiting someday. If only someone there would invite me down to speak at a conference or something… (Danielle?)
   Anyway, I doubt we’ll have that conversation any time soon but I do want to confess that I have been where you are when I was in my early 20’s. And if I can offer any advice if you are truly hopeful to hold on to your faith, you’d be wise to befriend some folks who are very poor and/or homeless. I think my faith would have gone by now had I not had the privilege of befriending some folks on the street who revealed Jesus to me in a way that I had never even comprehended while spending all my time inside the 4 walls of the church. You might re-discover Jesus there.

   Peace,
   Dion
Dion Oxford on March 6th, 2009

7. I’m with Aaron on this, but there is one other aspect of the whole dilemna. Wait till your kids are old enough to figure out that a total stranger they have never seen creeps into their room while they sleep and sticks their hand under the pillow to leave money. Oh, and by the way, this stranger also collects children’s teeth as a hobby. Sweet Dreams…
Rick Zelinsky on March 8th, 2009

8. I know children whose parents do not allow them to believe in Santa, Easter Bunny, or any other creature, and the children are very holy - holy terrors that is.

   I think allowing children to believe or not believe in such cultural myths is in an of itself, netural. That is, it does not hinder or advance their development. It is perhaps though, blind adherence to the materialistic culture (that some way is embodied in the Santa Claus) that has a negative impact on the child’s faith life.
Rob Jeffery on March 11th, 2009

9. How very odd! Just last night I was thinking about the tooth fairy. I think most 33 year-old women without children probably don’t do that much. The deal is that I bought a children’s book “Throw Your Tooth on the Roof” in a Mennonite store, which tells all the various tooth fairy type myths of various countries and yup, pretty much everyone’s got one - and eerily similar too. Though mostly not fairies. Perhaps around the world we find meaning in making rituals of life passages - and losing your teeth happens at that age when you believe in fantastic stories that make a mundane event pretty special, but not extravagant.

   And of course that it’s important everywhere can lead to thinking through is God real - if everyone realizes they need one/several or to reject one. Atheism is still a God-stance. But life stages are marked everywhere, and most - like the tooth stories, are not engendered with any significant guidance for how to live life or understanding identity or really anything at all.

   When Cate gives up the tooth fairy, if you can find that book - she might enjoy it!

   Maureen
Maureen on March 12th, 2009

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