Columbine: 10 years later

Andrea Demchuk says the reaction to Columbine is not good

It is certain that the Columbine massacre figured large in the decisions of many North American parents to turn to home schooling in the last decade… that event and millennial angst. After all, if protecting their children is part of the parental job description, then keeping them safe - at home - from the physical and ideological dangers  of the school system, is a good thing.

However, I have always found this reasoning disquieting. Moreover, this disquiet, I will confess, stems from the fact that home schooling parents of all kinds of faith and no faith have offered this same rationale to me. Home schooling parents are a disparate bunch and any of their other individually-held rationales would quite certainly cancel each other out, making it impossible for the system to accommodate them as a group.

While I would not seek to ban the practice of withdrawing from the mainstream system, (for there may be times when home schooling is a reasonable short term intervention for young people who are being bullied or are falling behind academically) I would argue that the church should not over-dignify it either. Typically it is a decision to set one’s offspring apart, and not in a good way.

The education opportunities and facilities available to most North American children, even to the poorest of the poor, far exceed those available to most young people in the world. As with so many other aspects of our lives, we are privileged here. Most of our objections to schools come down to taste and preference. We can afford to be picky. Part of what ought to happen when an infant is dedicated back to God is that the parents place their trust in the Lord’s provision on their infant’s behalf. Cutting the school experience out of a child’s life, rather than enriching the child’s life, is betraying this trust.

Writer: Social policy analyst and mother to a teen son, Andrea Demchuk soldiers out of Corps 614 Regent Park in Toronto, Canada.

14 Comments to Columbine: 10 years later

1. Andrea,

   Well said and I agree with you.It has always struck me more as a “withdrawal” than an “enagagement” approach.

   In my experience, homeschooled kids tend to have more of a challenge socializing with their peers and prefer the company of adults and often just their parents (read Mother).

   Now…what about writing something about private schools!

   Geoff
Geoff Ryan on April 20th, 2009

2. I disagree pretty strongly here. There are a multitude of ways for kids to socialise with other children of their age and peer group, and to interact with other age groups and people groups, without putting them in school 6 hours a day of standardized education (a thoroughly modern phenomenon, something we could spend a long time talking about). Our kids are in community music classes, dance classes, swimming classes, play dates, etc… You do have to work a little harder sometimes, but it is more than possible.

   Columbine had nothing to do with our decision to home school. We reserve the right, and acknowledge the responsibility, that we are the primary educators of our children, and we will use the resources offered to us as we wish. We aren’t afraid of school, and we’re not anti-school - we may put our kids in school for a few years, and maybe for all of high school. But to broad brush it as withdrawal instead of engagement, and to suggest it is betraying a lack of trust in the Lord’s provision, is a huge and inaccurate leap in my book.

   Grace,

   Aaron
aaron on April 20th, 2009

3. I’m going to have to agree with Aaron.

   As I drove to the High-school to pick up my 16-year-old today, the first thing I saw was another teen, standing in a crowd of other girls and guys, moving his hand back and forth toward his opened mouth. You get the picture.

   There is also the myriad of obvious agendas that are pushed by government schools, from pushing theories as facts to patronizing some races into believing that it’s an honor to be considered step-citizens.

   I have been thinking about pulling my children out of the government school system for some time, simply because of the lack of moral values that they are taught. I have always taught them to respect others (females, elders, and other races), but they come home using derogatory words about other races, filthy language, and walk around with their underwear for the entire world to see. Maybe you don’t mind these things, but I do. And as a parent, I have a right to instill whatever habits I choose in my children.

   I don’t believe government schools are the best idea for raising children, and that’s what they do. We cart them off early and pick them up late, only to have a little time in the afternoons to reestablish our values before sending them back to the one-size-fits-all teaching style that caters to introverts and otherwise students who don’t mind doing nothing but sit and listen. Any student with even a hint of creative tendencies and those who display an extroverted temperament are sent to the counselor and recommended to be checked of Attention Deficit Disorder.

   In short, I completely and totally disagree with your thesis.

   Blessings,
   Johnny
Johnny Gainey on April 20th, 2009

4. I’m not a parent, but I have had experience dealing with youths who have ended up in rehabs and youth hostels etc. I’m also a Psych student and so look at things probably from a slightly different angle. As a result, I fully agree with Andrea (the writer of the article). Whilst I respect parents right to be concerned about what their children are being taught and the attitudes that are being instilled, it can be far more dangerous emontionally and psychologically for children to be raised completely at home. (by the way - the concept of group education is thousands of years old - that’s what the gymnasiums were in ancient Greece).

   There is also the danger in religious circles of children not getting a rounded education but a completely one-sided education which is (in my oppinion) EXTREMELY dangerous on so many levels (too many to go into in this short post). Let them get one message from school and society, and another from home, and let them decide. Whether you believe it or not, too many suicides, attempted suicieds, drug addiction etc., comes from one-sided religious teaching - which usually occurs in home schooling. Yes, School is one-sided, so you give another side at home - making it two sided. If all they get is home schooling and carefully planned social activities, it is one-sided which causes A LOT of problems.

   Let me ask this question (one that I was constantly faced with in both Youth Hostels and Rehabs). I’m assuming that many people who home school would actively teach that homosexuality is wrong and needs to be ‘cured’ etc., while at school, a much more open approach is often taught by teachers (even if other pupils are abusive). What would you do if your son or daughter said they thought they were gay? I can assure you, the religious approach almost ALWAYS ends in either suicidal ideations (if not actual attemps or successes) and/or addiction.

   Also, the ‘bullying’ nature in school prepares children for the reality of life - whether you like it or not. Unless your children are all going to spend their entire life working in the church, the reality is that they will face a tough and abusive world. They need the grounding they get from school to learn how to cope with that. Even in the church, it can be brutal. Once again, if they don’t get this, then it can lead to depression, addiction (as an escape mechanism) etc.

   There is just too much evidence to support what Andrea is saying. Yes, what the others say is also correct, but are you prepared to accept the consequences?

   Graeme.
Graeme Randall on April 20th, 2009

5. Andrea, when I dedicated my children to the Lord, I don’t think I was absolved of the responsibility to care for their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. God has first entrusted them to me - I am responsible to provide the best environment possible for them to grow into all that God has planned for them to be. If I can home school my children and get them involved socially in the ways Aaron suggests, they have the opportunity to “de-brief” more often and I have the ability to nurture their young minds and hearts.

   Complete disagreement with this article.

   Geoff, I think there are appropriate times of life for “withdrawal”. If these young lives that have been entrusted to us are to germinate into ’salt and light’, surely there is nothing wrong with guarding their formative years???

   A farmer wouldn’t throw seed out in a windstorm - he’d pick a calm day to seed, making sure each one was firmly planted in the good soil.
Phil on April 20th, 2009

6. My wife and I made a very deliberate decision to send our kids to government schools. We have a lot of reasons for this, but one of the main ones is that it gives our whole family a place to engage with the community.

   We figured—rightly or wrongly—if we were to be salt and light to the world we had to do it where the world was. It’s worked out very well so far. My wife and I coach a school netball team each, I teach religious education to four classes, and my wife assists one of the teachers for an hour or two a week. We are always being asked to be involved in one way or another in the life of the school. That’s something we could never do as outsiders looking in.

   I have had people tell me I’m neglecting my duty as the primary teacher of my children, especially in matters of values and faith. Yet this isn’t how it seems to have worked. In fact, the involvement we have had in our kids’ schools has given us a unique vantage point for their training as Salvation soldiers. They see how we deal with the larger world. We are modelling for them the sort of missionary behaviour we want to see in them when they are older. And it seems to be working. The new youth group at our corps is growing largely through the efforts of my oldest daughter who is busy inviting all her friends because she thinks it’s sad they don’t go to church anywhere.

   I am well aware that there are problems with the public school system, but I don’t think we will fix it by removing our influence.

   Having said all of that, I don’t think anyone has the right to legislate the mode of education we each choose for our children. That is really a matter of conscience; and, I guess, like most matters of conscience it’s way too easy to make everyone else’s decisions for them!
Cameron on April 21st, 2009

7. Let me begin by saying that I think I can see both sides of this argument pretty clearly. Having said that, I have to tip my hat to Andrea’s position on this issue. I have had the rare privilege of sending one of my sons to Columbine…yes THE Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. In fact, from where we lived, you could see the school from our kitchen window.

   Our son attended 9th & 10th grades at Columbine 3 years after the incident took place, so in fairness, things were beginning to settle down at the school. The school administration worked very hard and were very successful at making the students and their families feel like everybody was safe and taken care of. Case in point, after we had moved away from Colorado and our son was away from the school for some time, he returned to celebrate the graduation of some of his friends. Even though he was no longer a student there, the principal saw him and made an effort to greet him warmly and personally - by name. We were convinced that he walked the talk…

   We are huge proponents of keeping children in the public school system. We work tirelessly to counteract any negative influences they will inevitably encounter there while at the same time equipping them to offer godly and moral alternatives to such influences. Not to mention the connections to countless families we’ve been afforded through many school functions and events. My wife and I both make the time to be available to our sons’ teachers in the classroom. We’ve both served on the PTA. We also have included multiple classes in Salvation Army service (League of Mercy/Community Care & Christmas Food/Toy Distribution). It’s been our experience that by investing ourselves in the Public School system we’ve been able to not only shine the light of Christ’s love there, but through our involvement, we have been able to help influence decisions and changes in our those school systems operate and educate children.

   I’m not trying to persuade anyone to change their mind about home-schooling with what I’ve had to say. I’m simply offering a better than bleak glimpse into our experience and history with the Public School system.
Rob on April 21st, 2009

8. Obviously this one touched a nerve, Andrea. Possibly comparing Columbine and homeschooling was a little polemical even for me, however - I’m sticking with the idea that “withdrawal from the world” finds little Scriptural support. Jesus prayed over us to the contrary, in fact - John 17:15.

   I guess proponents of homeschooling, and critics of it, can both come up with anecdotal evidence to support the benefits of their respective positions, and the failings of the opposing perspective.

   Phil - if we are duty bound to guard these “young lives”… then how far do we take it? Johnny’s illustration referenced his 16 year old! And Johnny - I’m not sure the boy you referred to in your comment is necessarily a statement on the evils of the public school system. Can you really keep your 16 year old away from contact with all young people her age?

   Anything they are exposed to at school, they will be exposed to via popular culture and the media, walking down the street…even at church. There is no airtight bubble in which one can keep them untainted…unless we become like the Amish. Isn’t it better to teach them to think critically and make good choices amid the muck and mire of the world, rather than attempting to control the choices they will inevitably be exposed to?

   In sending my kids to public school I don’t feel that I am defaulting to the state to raise my children. I raise them, teach them the values I want them to emulate, to love God and care for others. When they head off to school each day I feel I am allowing other people to give them certain information and knowledge that - like it or not - they will need in order to get on in the world. That’s all. The influence of their school friends is infinitely more powerful than that of their teachers.

   For me, homeschooling is associated with a particular branch of evangelicalism here in North America which carries a lot of other baggage with it as well. Plus, all the homeschooled kids I have ever met, well…none of them have been great recommendations for their team.

   I’m not a fan of the public school system, however. It is based on increasing specialization and I would prefer my kids to be polygots and more well rounded and competent across a range of disciplines. I don’t really believe that homework serves any valuable purpose, though my kids dutifully complete their assignments (more or less). If I had my druthers I would take them out of school altogether, engage tutors in various subjects, enroll them in all sorts of diverse courses and teams and activities…and travel the world, the very best form of education, in my opinion. But alas, my wages as an officer won’t stretch to cover such preferences.

   I think it still comes down to the engagement vs withdrawal question and one’s personal decision as parents, as to how to relate to “the world” (a fairly nebulous and shifting concept anyway). Personally I can’t separate it from our family’s decision to live incarnationally in the type of neighbourhood that we do and so for me to homeschool my kids would seem to stand in contradiction to this other choice.

   There is another issue particular to Salvation Army officership. In each case I have encountered of officers who choose to homeschool, the primary responsibility to handle this is placed on the wife. Regardless of our movements’ storied history of equality for women, in the pulpit and the workplace as well as home, the woman always assumes the primary role in homeschooling her children. The couple have therefore chosen to adopt traditional nuclear family roles with the man as the “breadwinner” and the wife as the “stay-at-home mom”. This is all well and good, except that the couple also made the choice to become Salvation Army officers in a system that expects both spouses to pull their weight in ministry and equally assume their role as ministers in their own individual right, as a team. In short, the personal family choices (ie homeschooling) that the couple has made seems to me to stand in conflict with the (usually prior) commitment they made to equally share in ministry. The Army isn’t getting their money’s worth, is what I’m saying (to put it rather crudely).

   More fuel to the fire!

   Geoff
Geoff Ryan on April 21st, 2009

9. Stereotypes and assumptions abound on both sides of the homeschool fence. I don’t think homeschooled kids become sheltered bigots, and I don’t think parents who send their kids to public school are unconcerned about proper moral upbringing. Demonizing or caricaturing parents/ kids from the other side of the fence obscures the fact that there’s still a wide range of parental choices to be made after you’ve chosen a mode of schooling, which may in the long run be more determinative of how your kids “turn out.” (And then there are all the inevitable vagaries of life and environment that you simply can’t control… trusting God is key, indeed!)

   I’m not a parent, but my hunch is that as much as this debate is framed around “the best interests of the kids,” these decisions are ultimately made based on the parents’ pre-existing views regarding calling, family, proper socialization, etc. In other words, I think parents are pre-disposed to go one way or the other based on pre-existing philosophical/ theological/ personal views about calling and family. Many Christian parents believe that there is no higher calling than raising their own kids well. Others may see parenting their own kids as one role to which they are called among others and would not privilege that role to the exclusion of other callings. This is not to make light of the tremendous thought and prayer that many parents put into these decisions, or the sacrifices made by parents. I just wonder, given that there are legitimate “Christian” justifications for choosing either model, whether it really comes down to prior predilections rather than sheer selflessness.

   On the engagement front, I think kids are sponges and sheep more than they are prophets/priests/ evangelists. Their personal capacity to “engage” in the incarnational/ missional sense is rather limited. Their presence in the public school system may serve as a means for Christian parents to engage. Wholesale disengagement from the public school system by Christians is certainly undesirable. However for some parents the ability to get a seat at this table comes at too high a cost.
grace on April 21st, 2009

10. This one did touch a nerve in me, not because homeschooling / public school, engagement / withdrawal are not vital things to discuss, but because of the implications in the article about fear and lack of trust in the Lord. My kids are hardly sheltered, (we get accused of quite the opposite) and the most grounded, well-rounded, critical, engaged kids I know have been homeschooled most of their lives. Anecdotal I know, and it does not prove anything beyond the fact that the assertions in the article are far from clear and true
    across the board.

    I reacted strongly as well because of something you later admitted, Geoff, and that I already knew, that you associate homeschooling with a particular branch of Christian culture. This may be the dominant culture in this case, and heaven knows I’m no big fan of that culture either, but once again it is a broad brush stroke and most of the kids I know who are being homeschooled do not fit into this category at all. Your ideal education is close to what we are trying to achieve, with different tutors, emphasis on languages and experience, frequent field trips etc…

    It is hard, and we may eventually have to switch over to public school simply for time’s sake, but for now we do retain this option, and in the past have opened it up to children from other families in our community. We also have the option of taking the kids to various classes in the school, and all the afterschool programs they do are for low-income families, so they are certainly being “incarnational” in that respect.

    Graeme, if my children said they were homosexual, we would talk about that and work through what it all meant, just as we would do if they were going to school. They are not hidden from the world, and many of the people in our Corps / community are gay or working through their understanding of gender. I too have worked with lots of kids and teens, and have found that the danger of suicide is strangely not limited to homeschooled children. And the particular type of social education we have now is a modern construct, based first on the creation of the concept of childhood, then later around the requirements of industrialization. Hence the specialisation issues Geoff mentioned.

    I’m pleased by what you wrote Grace. This is a question with a very large spectrum. I am not by any means advocating for homeschooling across the board, and do not automatically think it is superior to public education. But nor do I agree that homeschooling necessarily equals withdrawal, lack of trust in God, suicidal tendencies, or suffocating parenting. It works, well, for us here and now, so that is what we do.

    Grace,

    Aaron
aaron on April 21st, 2009

11. This is a wonderful discussion, and it has given me much food for thought.

    I can see the value of the debate on both sides.

    My passion about this is probably due to my own personal experiences and frustrations with my own children who have more often been influenced by humanism than they have incluenced the secular with their Christian values. And perhaps my biases have prevented me from offering an honest critique of the government school system.

    Geoff raises some good points about placing our Christian children in the places where Christians are desperately needed.

    Maybe I’m just exhausted from the constant pounding of the secular culture upon my family from the influence of humanism. But who am I to believe that the Christian life is not a life-long race with difficulties and trials, even for my children?

    The danger seems to be that the secularization of the Western world is having too much of an influence on our children as they interact within the government school system. So much so that it may be worth keeping a few in the desert for awhile.

    I’m not quite as sure of my own stance on this debate as I thought I was, but I do believe both sides are drenched in a biblical world view and deserve respect, regardless of their decision.

    Blessing,
    Johnny
Johnny Gainey on April 21st, 2009

12. We home educated our children back in the late 1980’s and into the beginning of the 2000’s. We did not consider what we did as “withdrawing” from our community - quite the contrary! We were engaged in our community, as were many in our home school group, and took advantage of the various opportunities to volunteer, be involved in community sports teams, and help in our corps food pantry and with the Christmas efforts. We also were able to meet and interact with many of our community’s musicians, politicians, poets, artists, and athletes.

    Our children are now adults and continue to be involved in their respective communities, which have grown to include people from all over the world thanks to the opportunities they’ve had to be involved in world missions via The Salvation Army and Youth with a Mission.

    Most importantly, our children are quite purposeful in their efforts to be salt and light where ever they are living.
Laurie on April 21st, 2009

13. Well, I figure I should chime in now. Here’s the thing. I was homeschooled from pre-school through high school. Those of you who know me might think that explains a few things : ), but in general, I find that my experience was incredible.

    I would like to point out, as has been hinted at, that giving examples of homeschooled or government schooled kids, either bad or good examples, is not very helpful. We all have our examples, but the number of kids in government or home, and the number of dysfunctional kids coming from each group, are too varied to compare easily in this venue. More to the point I think are the principles than the examples. In addition, it seems to me that when dysfunction is found in cases of homeschooling, homeschooling is blamed, but when dysfunction is found in the cases of government schools, everything but the school is blamed…

    It may come as no surprise then to say that I also completely disagree with the article above. Frankly I think that it only falls into the typical stereotyping of homeschooling that is so common, as do some of the comments. Also, there is nothing more enriching about government schools in which students learn in a classroom with others all their same age so they can pass state and government tests. Those who excel are slowed, and those who are slower can’t keep up as well. The class is forced to follow a low common denominator. A homeschooled child can have a tailor-made education which fits his or her learning style as well as strengths and weaknesses. I could go on…

    The idea that those who homeschool have less faith in God is weak. A few comparisons can show this weakness: Do we cease to wear seatbelts because we trust God? Do we eat whatever we want because we trust our health to God? Do we cease to see a doctor when something is wrong because we trust God? To say that it is a trust issue is misleading. Trust in God does not mean that one does not take every measure possible to live a responsible and safe life. I think that perhaps this idea comes from defensiveness on the part of those who don’t homeschool. Sometimes parents who can’t or won’t homeschool feel that the parents who do homeschool are placing themselves above others, that they think they are better parents. But this is hardly the case. The decision is no more an issue of having faith or not having faith as it is an issue of more love for children or less love for children. Parents just do what they think is best.

    On withdrawal I would strongly emphasize the idea that children are not an evangelistic means to an end. We can surely be a witness to a community, and even a strong and active part of a community, without having our children in the same school system.

    I also get really concerned though when homeschooling is described as dangerous. It seems a short step from my perspective from calling homeschooling dangerous to calling it child abuse. Trust me, it’s been tried. But this violates the rights of a family and parents to teach what they want to their children. How many non-Christian parents or “liberal” parents enroll their children in conservative Christian schools just to “widen their experience?” If we all want balance wouldn’t we see more of that? But we don’t. It doesn’t go both ways. And we need to get rid of the idea that government schools are the basic and most all-encompassing option. Government schools have their own agendas just as private, Christian, or other kinds of schools have.

    Government schools are not without bias. No school is. We need to remember that.

    That is why, in all likelihood, I will teach my children at home where I can attend as best as I can to them and to their needs. And I will be the dominant influence in their development instead of strangers and those who come from other worldviews, beliefs, religions, and backgrounds. It’s not because I would care more, or think I would love my children more. It is my preference, my right, and my decision to do what I think is best for my family.

    David Witthoff
David Witthoff on April 22nd, 2009

14. Picking up on a slightly different idea that has emerged in the discussion….

    My concern in this debate is the assumption that secular humanism is necesarily a bad thing, and that by being exposed to it in depth at school, children may lose their faith. In fact, it may serve to correct their (and our) faith and understanding, and without it, children will simply pick up the same wrong ideas about faith and Biblical teaching that have been around for centuries.

    Perhaps the greatest enemy of our faith is our faith…..

    Yours in Christ,
    Graeme
Graeme Randall on April 22nd, 2009

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