From Russia with blogs | cynicism

Vadim Hurin on the quiet killer

The person who came to get help last Sunday was in great need. I spent my afternoon with him and prayed with him, I tried to help and to provide some support. But this week he was once again drunk as always. When he saw me he didn’t have any excuses. It was as if nothing ever happened. As if he never heard my advice and nodded “yes” in response, promising to do everything I told him.

I tried to help a boy who ran away from home because his mom drank too much (at least that’s what he claimed). But the boy did not come back. He simply ate everything that was given to him and walked out without expressing gratitude. For me part, I had to skip a few important meetings and a worship team practice so I could spend time with him.

I thought I preached well on Sunday. It was convincing to the point that even I wanted to go to the mercy seat. But perhaps my sermon touched only my heart. This feels like getting hit unexpectedly. It’s sudden and painful. Right on target. You can’t breathe even though you want to. And then you simply fall like a bag, raising a cloud of dust.

After that my point of view changes. I see now how people want to use all the good qualities of the other person and then abandon him or her. It is because of this that prostitution and trafficking are at their worst today. Not simply because someone with a perverted mind chooses to take part in this business. This takes place because there are consumers. Potential for consumerism yields new offers.
I see how the people who Jesus Christ died for, walk past the Cross. They mock and spit in his direction the same way they did during crucifixion. They see a weakness in His death on their behalf because they never asked Him to die for them. I see a church in which a few soldiers try to change something while other soldiers criticize and voice dissatisfaction.

It is in moments like these that I feel most uncomfortable. I realize that I become a target for cynicism. Cynicism never misses. It fires right in the head and penetrates your thoughts. Why try and change something you cannot change? Who needs your help? They only need the food that you can offer; maybe clothes, maybe something else. They’re only interested in you as long as you have something to offer. Why be merciful, if you will be mocked and spit at? Why, why, why?

These thoughts don’t stop. I resist cynicism, although not always successfully. I know some very good soldiers who were shot down by cynicism’s sniping. Cynicism poisons. And if you do not take out the poison in time, it becomes untreatable. They say, cynicism is a defense from pain and helplessness. But it is not a defense, it is an even greater destruction. The mind influence by cynicism is as cold as steel and draws conclusions which are difficult to argue with. These conclusions are accurate and logical. Convictions and contradictions do not work against it. This is why it is so difficult to speak about God with those who fell victim to cynicism.

I would like to be able to understand what it was that prevented Jesus from becoming a complete cynic. He saw not only people’s deeds and heard not only their words. He saw their hearts and read their thoughts. When Jesus looked at Peter’s bravado, claiming he would never leave Him, when He saw Judas, who pondered ways to betray Him. He saw the people who He came to die for when they mocked, “You saved others, now try and save yourself!” His response was, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do!”

In this world the words of Paul about the helmet of salvation are becoming all the more vital for me. The helmet is necessary to protect your head from the enemy. It’s a defence weapon which is needed not to perfect one’s image and to impress others, but to stay alive in battle. Perhaps this is the only possibility to evade becoming a victim of cynicism. If you have your ways of resisting cynicism, I like you to share them with me. And don’t forget the helmet.

Writer: Captain Vadim Khurin was born into a family of circus artists. He joined The Salvation Army in 1995 and is now an officer serving in St. Petersburg, Russia. He loves music, sports, reading and learning. He has a beautiful wife - Inna - and three children. He likes to ask hard questions and find different ways of helping people get back their wholeness and integrity.

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